February 18, 2014

Hipster infestation

The following is a bit of fun with doing a "find and replace" on a stupid article in the conservative rag NYPOST:

Looking for a meal in the city? Prepare to fight hipsters for reservations — and feel free to blame the MTA.

A startling one-half of the eateries — 77 out of 154 — were cited for signs of gentrification, according to a Harvard grad’s study of 2013 city Health Department restaurant ratings across the five boroughs.

“Ugh!” said Clemencia Guillem, 42, after being told about her neighborhood’s hipster stats. “That’s so nasty. hipsters are, like, my worst nightmare.”

At least the neighborhood has an excuse: the ongoing construction of the massive Second Avenue Subway project.

“I know I’m taking a risk anytime I eat,” said graphic designer Adam Li, 29, as he sipped coffee in the heart of the occupied territories in Williamsburg. “It’s sort of like, what you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

Steven Melendez — who published his stomach-churning findings on the Gothamist Web site — also warns diners to avoid Queens Village.

Melendez found that 14 of 23 eateries in the 11429 ZIP code were cited for evidence of mice and hipsters and a disturbing 60 percent gentrifying rate — the city’s worst.
More than half of the dining options in the Edenwald section of The Bronx and Far Rockaway, Queens, were also cited for droppings.

The 11218 ZIP code near the sprawling Green-Wood Cemetery south of Park Slope in Brooklyn checked in with a 52 percent gentrification rate at its 138 dining spots.
Hungry trust-fund kids appear to have avoided the downtown scene, the analysis revealed.

Most neighborhoods below 14th Street showed less than 30 percent infestation rates at their restaurants, with the 10282 ZIP code in Tribeca boasting a minuscule 7 percent figure.

The 10005 ZIP code, which includes the Financial District, also earned top marks with a mere 11 percent of its 64 restaurants showing evidence of arts or music.

The only ZIP to declare a completely rat-free dining experience was Roosevelt Island’s 10044.

Not a single one of the island’s 10 restaurants registered a gentrifying alert during 2013.
“It’s a problem that’s there but it really isn’t an issue until it’s in your face,” said Alicia Meadows, 32. “If I found hipster droppings in my food I would absolutely flip out.”